General Peyer: When suicide hits home . . . Published May 19, 2009 By Wayne Crenshaw 78th Air Base Wing Public Affairs ROBINS AIR FORCE BASE, Ga. -- With a phone call on the night of Jan. 29, the You Matter suicide campaign at Robins suddenly became more personal to Maj. Gen. Polly Peyer. The commander of Warner Robins Air Logistics Center suspected something was wrong when the phone rang at 9 p.m. because most people who would be calling her know that she goes to bed early. The voice on the other end was her youngest sister, who informed her that their middle sister's husband of 34 years had killed himself. He had driven his car down a dead-end road in an orange grove near their home in Leesburg, Fla., pointed a pistol to his temple and pulled the trigger. He was alive when he was found, but died at a hospital later that night. More than three months later, and with the blessing of her sister, General Peyer wanted to share the story in hopes of reaching out to both anyone who may be considering suicide and those who suspect someone may be at risk. Coping with the devastating aftermath of her brother-in-law's decision has brought home to her the true impact of suicide. "Until it happens to you, the full brunt of what suicide means doesn't come home," she said in an interview in her office last week. "I don't want anybody else to go through that." Her brother-in-law, Frank Fuzzell, was 58. He was seriously injured in a car accident many years earlier and, as a result, had long suffered severe pain in his shoulder and hip. He and his wife, Lois, were also struggling financially, and he recently had a setback in a long legal battle over a business-related lawsuit he had filed. But although those are among typical trouble signs, General Peyer said neither she nor her family saw any obvious reason to suspect he was considering suicide. He had been dealing with the same problems for years, she said. Her sister did not see it coming at all. "She said he was no different on Jan. 28th of this year than he was on Jan. 28th of last year," she said. "His suicide was a total surprise to her." General Peyer's sister told her that, in hindsight, loved ones may have a harder time picking up on warning signs because they see that person every day. Someone who sees the person infrequently might be more likely to notice changes, her sister believes. General Peyer last saw him at Christmas. Her biggest regret, she said, is that she didn't say more when he showed her the same gun that he would eventually use to end his life. He had long had guns, and told General Peyer that he had gotten rid of all of them except one. She asked him why he kept one gun, especially since he lives in the country where there was little threat of crime. She wishes now she had encouraged him to give up that gun also. Those kinds of regrets in hindsight are part of the trauma that everyone in the family is dealing with now, she said. Some family members have also reacted with anger over Mr. Fuzzell's decision to take his life. A key message she has for those who may be contemplating suicide is to consider the suffering they will cause loved ones. For her brother-in-law, that included, among others, his daughter and son-in-law, two grandchildren, and General Peyer's 91-year-old mother for whom he was an in-home caretaker. Asked what she would say to someone considering suicide, General Peyer said, "I would ask them to tell their loved ones what's going on, but that's probably the last person anyone wants to tell. They would rather tell a co-worker. They would rather tell a counselor. They would rather tell a hotline. They do not want to tell their loved ones. I think most of the loved ones who are left behind would want to hear that rather than question after the fact, 'Is there anything I could have done?'" The general added, "Also, think about those you'll be leaving behind and how they are going to deal with that situation. Consider what the results are, what the consequences are of making this decision ... it creates problems for others," she said. Although it's not typical for suicides, General Peyer's brother-in-law left behind two notes, one to his wife expressing his love for her. The other, a longer one, was for general knowledge, in which he said he could no longer cope with his problems and apologized for his actions. General Peyer said she wishes he had considered that he left his wife to cope with those same problems on her own. The You Matter campaign began this year in response to a record eight suicides by Robins employees in 2008. All except one of those were civilians. One suicide, also a civilian, has occurred this year. Maj. Colin Burchfield, the director of psychological health at Robins, said it's not unusual that family members, even those aware of the warning signs, might not suspect a loved one is considering suicide. "We are trained to look for symptoms, but often times they are not easy to see," he said. Going by the national average of one in 10,000, Robins should expect to see two or three suicides per year. With one this year, that would put Robins on pace for the average. But Maj. Burchfield noted that from August to December 2008, the base had a suicide each month. However, he is seeing signs that the 'You Matter' campaign is making a difference. Calls to the suicide hotline are up and more people are seeking counseling. Both are indications that people are reaching out - seeking help instead of taking their lives. He recently was contacted by the widow of one of those who committed suicide last year. "She said 'I never realized how suicide affects the grieving process. I have a lot of questions that will never get answered,'" he said. "People are reaching out. That's good," said General Peyer. "It's important that everyone - family members, those who may be considering suicide and wingmen - know and take advantage of the help that's available."